The Glamorous World of Young Professionals Dating
The Glamorous World of Young Professionals Dating
To be a young professional on the dating scene. Ah, what images spring into our head as we picture glamorous twenty and thirty somethings meeting at a dimly lit fancy hotel bar in the artist quarter of the downtown (which is obviously where they work). The girl orders a Chardonnay and the fella gets Chianti (thanks to the plug from Hannibal the Cannibal which has survived these fifteen years and engendered a love of Chianti to last his lifetime! How debonair). The conversation spills out like the ever-fleeting wine and the witticisms roll off loose tongues like a Howard Hawk’s screwball comedy circa 1938. After the quick-witted patter, they decide to grab a bite to eat at an unpretentious Italian place (in the style of a small kitchen) across the street. They can tell its cool, because they only accept cash. The unfortunate souls that come in with an American Express card are branded as out-of-town hicks. Luckily, our heroes have the cash on hand for a fine evening: nary an awkward moment. The pauses: natural. The conversation: polite, but mixed with bold comic timing. Afterwards, they make their way back to the lady's house and have very tasteful (yet adventurous and safe) intercourse with no condom related conundrums. Cigarettes are rolled and the night ends with what ostensibly is a hip, ironic detachment, but what really, beneath the surface, is the joyful feeling of connecting with another soul in this lonely and fragmented world, if only for this night. This beautiful night. May it never end. A once in a lifetime occasion…until the next hookup.
That's the way young professionals date. Right?
No. Not at all. Not ever. Here's the truth. The ugly, deplorable, odious truth:
We will give our professional couples names: how about Chad and Sylvia? That works. Well, "The Chadder" (as his friends call him) is a young up-and-comer in selling airplane parts for a supplier. Sylvia? She is in consulting for management strategies pertaining to maximizing efficiency and streamlining data. They obviously will have a lot to talk about, right?
The date starts off with Chad eying Sylvia in the green skirt she said she'd be wearing over the emails they exchanged from the “Young Professional” dating website. She sees him coming and her heart has an initial quickening impulse, but her training as a professional kicks in and her autonomic system is subdued. They shake hands and talk at the same time.
"Hi, nice to finally..." "Hi, it's great to.."
They laugh. He blushes, she smiles weakly and they decide to order drinks. He thinks about buying this first round, but she can tell by the glint in his eye his intention. She decides to surprise him and pay for the both of them. Well, they both have their wallets out at the same time, which confuses the poor bartender. They both put their wallets back in respective pockets and then notice that nobody has paid until they get them back out and meekly pay for their own drinks. Chad: A gin and tonic. Sylvia: a coffee. Both of them are embarrassed by their choices and also curious about the choices of their counterpart.
They stretch their lips at each other in a simulacrum of a smile and hold it for one second, two seconds, three seconds...hmmm, when will they connect. The Chadder takes the initiative.
"I sell Airplane parts to companies."
An answer from Sylvia:
"I'm in consulting. Maximizing efficiency."
That is when it dawns on them. They have absolutely nothing else to say to one another. These fifteen hour days of excel charts and power point presentations have made them wonderfully articulate and engaging speakers of the fascinating subjects of airplanes parts (“Modern commercial jets use a 50/50 mix of outside air with recirculated cabin air to produce greater fuel optimization”) and of efficiency (“Have an area of your office that is dedicated to housing your marketing materials. Even in this age of web sites and synergy, prospective clients still want to see your marketing materials in person. You need to have your promo sheets ready to go, with envelopes, shipping labels and any other materials you will send out. You should try a shelf organizer or some other sorting device from your local office supply store”), but after this innovative look at their industry...what can they say?
Chad compensates with a sip too many of his gin and Sylvia nervously fills up her coffee which makes her even more nervous. Oh, how she could use a drink. Chad boldly proposes that they get some dinner at that cool Italian restaurant next door. Sylvia doesn't want to go to Buca di Beppos, but acquiesces to Chad's will. When they are finally seated in a family booth, they come up against a conundrum: where do they sit? It's a vast, huge booth, as the restaurant is a vast, empty restaurant (hit hard by the evil monster of the recession). They could sit across from each other but then five feet would separate each other. If they sit too close, it will be awkward too. By now, her coffee has worn off and left her tired as all hell and the Chadder is losing his buzz. The waiter takes fifteen (silent) minutes to find them and by then Sylvia has decided to fake a phone call (which she accomplished by SOS texting her bestest friend discreetly). It appears that there is an emergency in efficiency at her business and she has to leave. The Chadder understands and would love to see her again. It was a lot of fun. I'm sorry that I wasn't myself. Yeah, you know, long day. Yeah, I tell you. Well, great meeting you. Yeah, we should do this again. Yeah. .. .. ... ... Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Kiss? NO! He goes hug and she goes???You guessed it! Handshake! Yay for professional dating!
To be a young professional on the dating scene. Ah, what images spring into our head as we picture glamorous twenty and thirty somethings meeting at a dimly lit fancy hotel bar in the artist quarter of the downtown (which is obviously where they work). The girl orders a Chardonnay and the fella gets Chianti (thanks to the plug from Hannibal the Cannibal which has survived these fifteen years and engendered a love of Chianti to last his lifetime! How debonair). The conversation spills out like the ever-fleeting wine and the witticisms roll off loose tongues like a Howard Hawk’s screwball comedy circa 1938. After the quick-witted patter, they decide to grab a bite to eat at an unpretentious Italian place (in the style of a small kitchen) across the street. They can tell its cool, because they only accept cash. The unfortunate souls that come in with an American Express card are branded as out-of-town hicks. Luckily, our heroes have the cash on hand for a fine evening: nary an awkward moment. The pauses: natural. The conversation: polite, but mixed with bold comic timing. Afterwards, they make their way back to the lady's house and have very tasteful (yet adventurous and safe) intercourse with no condom related conundrums. Cigarettes are rolled and the night ends with what ostensibly is a hip, ironic detachment, but what really, beneath the surface, is the joyful feeling of connecting with another soul in this lonely and fragmented world, if only for this night. This beautiful night. May it never end. A once in a lifetime occasion…until the next hookup.
That's the way young professionals date. Right?
No. Not at all. Not ever. Here's the truth. The ugly, deplorable, odious truth:
We will give our professional couples names: how about Chad and Sylvia? That works. Well, "The Chadder" (as his friends call him) is a young up-and-comer in selling airplane parts for a supplier. Sylvia? She is in consulting for management strategies pertaining to maximizing efficiency and streamlining data. They obviously will have a lot to talk about, right?
The date starts off with Chad eying Sylvia in the green skirt she said she'd be wearing over the emails they exchanged from the “Young Professional” dating website. She sees him coming and her heart has an initial quickening impulse, but her training as a professional kicks in and her autonomic system is subdued. They shake hands and talk at the same time.
"Hi, nice to finally..." "Hi, it's great to.."
They laugh. He blushes, she smiles weakly and they decide to order drinks. He thinks about buying this first round, but she can tell by the glint in his eye his intention. She decides to surprise him and pay for the both of them. Well, they both have their wallets out at the same time, which confuses the poor bartender. They both put their wallets back in respective pockets and then notice that nobody has paid until they get them back out and meekly pay for their own drinks. Chad: A gin and tonic. Sylvia: a coffee. Both of them are embarrassed by their choices and also curious about the choices of their counterpart.
They stretch their lips at each other in a simulacrum of a smile and hold it for one second, two seconds, three seconds...hmmm, when will they connect. The Chadder takes the initiative.
"I sell Airplane parts to companies."
An answer from Sylvia:
"I'm in consulting. Maximizing efficiency."
That is when it dawns on them. They have absolutely nothing else to say to one another. These fifteen hour days of excel charts and power point presentations have made them wonderfully articulate and engaging speakers of the fascinating subjects of airplanes parts (“Modern commercial jets use a 50/50 mix of outside air with recirculated cabin air to produce greater fuel optimization”) and of efficiency (“Have an area of your office that is dedicated to housing your marketing materials. Even in this age of web sites and synergy, prospective clients still want to see your marketing materials in person. You need to have your promo sheets ready to go, with envelopes, shipping labels and any other materials you will send out. You should try a shelf organizer or some other sorting device from your local office supply store”), but after this innovative look at their industry...what can they say?
Chad compensates with a sip too many of his gin and Sylvia nervously fills up her coffee which makes her even more nervous. Oh, how she could use a drink. Chad boldly proposes that they get some dinner at that cool Italian restaurant next door. Sylvia doesn't want to go to Buca di Beppos, but acquiesces to Chad's will. When they are finally seated in a family booth, they come up against a conundrum: where do they sit? It's a vast, huge booth, as the restaurant is a vast, empty restaurant (hit hard by the evil monster of the recession). They could sit across from each other but then five feet would separate each other. If they sit too close, it will be awkward too. By now, her coffee has worn off and left her tired as all hell and the Chadder is losing his buzz. The waiter takes fifteen (silent) minutes to find them and by then Sylvia has decided to fake a phone call (which she accomplished by SOS texting her bestest friend discreetly). It appears that there is an emergency in efficiency at her business and she has to leave. The Chadder understands and would love to see her again. It was a lot of fun. I'm sorry that I wasn't myself. Yeah, you know, long day. Yeah, I tell you. Well, great meeting you. Yeah, we should do this again. Yeah. .. .. ... ... Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Hug or handshake? Kiss? NO! He goes hug and she goes???You guessed it! Handshake! Yay for professional dating!
posted by neilly bojangles at 12:31 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home